commodification of a childhood

i gave a talk recently on my work, and i commented on having taken a break from social media. it's more than a break. i want to harness what little time i have. reordering how i exhibit work is one way to become a better author

when i made photos of my body while my son was inside of it, i wasn't making his image a part of my work. but now that he's his own body, his own individual in space, i can't make him an unwilling participant in my projects. and i don't want to give into the ease of using cuteness

as i cataloged my projects i saw a commonality that new work is often born out of taking a simple walk. it's how i'm acclimating to motherhood at the moment. i needn't exploit my child in the midst of my exploration, nor do i have to document time for us to know that we've spent it



i've been putting together numerous little videos over the past few months. some related to a myth/children's story i've written, some now exploring what it is to be a mother/performer/woman 



construction of a childhood

i have been offered a solo show in san pedro in about a year and i've been pondering how to frame the work i have been doing.  most of my work for the past 7 years or so has been very autobiographical. my son iggy, and his life's story, experience, and the responsibility my husband and i now shoulder for those things is at the forefront of my waking moments, so i thought of the title: the construction of a childhood

i've been thinking more and more about gender and how color plays into that related to toys, clothing, and objects surrounding babies. it's such a commodified industry that i'm kind of enjoying playing with it, yesterday i went shopping at old navy in the girls' section hoping to find the right shades of hot pink socks

 i plan to use some of the photography and videos made while i was pregnant, in conjunction with some floral pieces and i'm planning on felting some larger objects (specifically objects i would never want in my home for my child to play with) rendering something horrifyingly aesthetically unpleasing or full of plastic toxins or most likely both into something cushy and curious and welcome

i've been collecting clothes and toys that i would have embraced without question had he been a girl. and conducting color studies based on what i am drawn to, what i recall being drawn to as a child, and what i see my son looking at, or what i suppose he might be looking at

 i also read this book thinking about the love i had for wild places (and for growing up near cannon beach as shown on the cover) and i am running through sketches of fort construction, and how to convey wildness within the gallery setting

part of that exploration has included reinventing the nature walks that my mom used to take us on, and ironing pressed plants between waxed paper. in honor of artists like yugi agematsu and candi jernigan i have thought about how much trash and detritus i should or could pick up within a few blocks or steps of my front door. the pink condom i found a few doors down was my first souvenir of nature walks

latex gloves are now a must


motherhood 9 weeks and counting

little babe came into my world 9 weeks ago 

i went to the doctor a few days after being discharged from the hospital and i had not lost any weight.  the c-section process took such a toll on my body that i had retained tons of liquid and weirdness. a week and a half later i had lost 25 lbs

  i have had a really hard time breast feeding.  i visited lactation consultants a number of times and basically 5 weeks into my painful process discovered my son and i had thrush

 i think both narcotics and pain contributed to a short stint of postpartum depression.  thankfully other drugs and his growth have contributed to our healing

through this nursing process i've realized how valuable my breasts really are in that they DO produce milk


i've also been struck by how obsessed social media seems to be with boobs, since i've had such pain associated with my own

after many agonizing moments my son and i have pretty well figured each other out

now that things are normalizing i'm able to enjoy my son thoroughly.  there must be a specific design to his starting to smile all the time starting at 6 weeks 

 my next task will be figuring out how to balance feeding/loving/caring for my dearest little cutest snookywooky gooogooo baby and feeding/loving/caring for myself and my work


gluten-free dairy-free no-bake mocha cheesecake

i had something like this in a market recently, and my mother-in-law found a recipe and sent it to me


i decided to adapt it since i'm always a little disappointed when a non-dairy sweet is fruit based. sometimes you just want coffee/toffee/chocolate/carmel/vanilla and not strawberry-basil or date/nut


gluten-free, dairy-free, no-bake mocha cheesecake
the filling recipe is adapted from here
the crust is from here

24 whole chocolate gluten-free sandwich cookies

1/4 cup melted non-dairy butter

use food processor to crumb the cookies and add butter until mixed well.  press mixture into a greased spring form pan and put in the fridge while making the filling

1 1/2 cups raw cashews: pour boiling hot water over the cashews, soak for 1 hour, then drain and blend in food processor
1/4 cup lemon juice
1/4 cup oil
1 can full fat coconut milk
7 ounces melted chocolate
* 1/4 cup honey or other sweetener

1-2 tablespoons powdered coffee to taste
1 tablespoon vanilla

mix all filling ingredients in food processor and spread over crust in spring form pan. freeze an hour or two then remove from spring form pan. cut and serve

leftovers can be refrozen and thawed when needed, the perfect dessert for last-minute guests!

*depending on how sweet you want it, if using unsweetened chocolate this is necessary, with chocolate chips you can diminish the portion to 1 tablespoon or eliminate it altogether 


#40weeks and counting

the due date has come and gone

laying around waiting for the arrival, and sleeping with the swaddling blanket to imbue it with my pheromones for a little comfort hopefully

cameo cafe selfie in my favorite ridiculous floral high-waisted shorts


i was delighted to find out moths and humans both have meconium as they newly emerge into the world 




we moved recently, and i've had fun taking selfies in new morning diffused light under our amazing tree of heaven outside (otherwise known as a ghetto palm, or tree of hell) 

it's been a kind of long 9 months, but it's flown by, as i'm sure everyone says

i've had fun being a little subversive with my shots, although not as brave to show all of them. it's interesting how many body parts mimic each other

i've still had a bit of morning sickness, but i'm hoping that is on its way out in the next days/weeks depending on when this little bundle decides to emerge

i received one carrier that i had registered for, and it's kind of complicated, so i'm looking for an alternative means of transport. planning is hard in life, no matter how many opinions and preparations you have

 planning for breastfeeding is also a challenge. do i just give my boobs a pep talk?

and the snippets of what to bring to the hospital often repeat, but you never really know what you'll end up wanting, needing or using. life lesson #1 little man. plan but be flexible